DAY 2: Lakes, mountains and mischief

Off we float, over turquoise Lake Brienz in an open-topped steamer, across water smooth as glass -- and clean enough to drink, certified by the tourist office so it must be true. (In this case, it really is.)

Sun is a lady's enemy: the Lady Beekeeper shows off her splendid hat.

Sherlock spies the bit of rock he'd been looking for.

Onto the funicular built in 1879 – will modern wonders never cease – zipping up to the mid-mountain luxury of the Giessbach Hotel, a wooden-spired castle in the sky.

A stroll up to the waters of Giessbach Falls...

Giessbach Falls rush past our windows during luncheon: white linen, glistening crystal chandeliers, and an impromptu minuet danced beautifully by The Reverend Dr Shlessinger and Miss de Merville. I fear her honour was in peril during more than one pirouette. Love that.

Mrs Hudson dusts down the dusty parts of the fabled Albert Kunz.

We eavesdrop on a most scandalous confession from famous Swiss actor and author Helmi Sigg to the Cardinal. Herr Sigg has recently penned “Sherlock Holmes and the Giessbach Fall”, a pastiche which Cardinal declares a “venal sin”. (The pastiche, not the book itself. The book is jolly good. Do read it.) Then the sounds of cut-glass British voice are raised in song (Eton, Westminster, St Pauls… they’re all here). “We decided to make this a very British occasion and not practice first,” the Man Staying at the Englischerhof in Meiringen demures.

Old Watson isn't sure if this week he's on his first or second wife, or somewhere in between.

Time for a quick burial at sea of his (late) Eminence Cardinal Tosca. He felt much better after a swift glass of wine and a (holy) smoke.

Back down in Interlaken’s Schlossgarten, villagers came out in droves. The price of admission alone repays one for looks received by local people: gaping stares and even applause from the crowds have been non-stop. With good cause, for Queen Victoria bestows the Victoria Cross on a Swiss soldier for conspicuous gallantry, an increasing rare quality in our society. What will the 20^th century bring?

Sherlock foils another dastardly plot of Moriarty at the Victoria Cross ceremony.

Dinner at the magnificent Harder Kulm restaurant, perched over 900m above the sea, with a bird’s eye view across to the Eiger, Mönch and Jungfrau peaks. Blessing by His Eminence before dinner, his prayer honouring Mrs Hudson “in hopes that dinner will surpass even a breakfast made by a Scotswoman”. Local monsters perform for the crowd and female member of the local folk band shows us how to spin a 5 franc coin in a stone bowl. She yodels and makes goat cries and the crowd leaves very merry. I sleep deeply in clean Alpine air, with goat cries in my dreams and corset indentations in my ribs… just like a local.

Tomorrow, we push for the summit.